Blah

I just feel so blah. I am in a rut and it’s like there is no way out.  I am lost, I am lonely.  I am alone.  I used to have friends, I always had someone to hang out with.  Then I got married and lost a few along the way.  Then I got divorced and I lost more of them.  To the point that I was down to one friend.  Then I made a few more but they are a lot older than me.  Then the one good friend that I have had since I was a teenager has now changed.  And I don’t feel like that friendship is really there anymore either.

I have a son, who has never really had any friends, but he now has more than I do.  And as much as I hate to admit it I am jealous that he has friends and I don’t. It is so wrong of me to be jealous of him.  And I would never tell him that I am.

I need help, by that I mean someone to talk too.  Someone that I can talk to about all the shit that goes on in my head.  Someone who can help me work through that shit.  But I am also kind of really scared of that because I don’t want someone to know how messed up I really am.  I don’t even like to admit how messed up I am :(.

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