I just feel so blah. I am in a rut and it’s like there is no way out. I am lost, I am lonely. I am alone. I used to have friends, I always had someone to hang out with. Then I got married and lost a few along the way. Then I got divorced and I lost more of them. To the point that I was down to one friend. Then I made a few more but they are a lot older than me. Then the one good friend that I have had since I was a teenager has now changed. And I don’t feel like that friendship is really there anymore either.
I have a son, who has never really had any friends, but he now has more than I do. And as much as I hate to admit it I am jealous that he has friends and I don’t. It is so wrong of me to be jealous of him. And I would never tell him that I am.
I need help, by that I mean someone to talk too. Someone that I can talk to about all the shit that goes on in my head. Someone who can help me work through that shit. But I am also kind of really scared of that because I don’t want someone to know how messed up I really am. I don’t even like to admit how messed up I am :(.