I am not sure what having a nervous breakdown feels like.   But if I would have to guess I would say I am having one.  I cry all the time, have no motivation other than to make sure my son is taken care of.  Myself I couldn’t care less about.  I eat because I know I have too, not because I want too.  I have problems sleeping at night, my thoughts won’t stop.  And when I do finally fall asleep I usually wake up every half hour or so.  And when I am sleeping I have really strange dreams.  I can’t always remember what they are about, I just remember that it was strange.  I can’t be motivated to clean the house.  Finally did laundry today and was going to do the dishes but well I couldn’t be bothered about that.  I tried to get a friend to go and do coffee yesterday but like usual she bailed on me at the last minute.  I am always there for her, but doesn’t seem like she can ever be there for me. I am very short tempered with my son and my dog.  My son and I had a fight on Sunday and I told him to just go and pack his bags and get out.  I then said something about him needing to go to his room and he said no he isn’t going.  I then said something like he will get up those stairs …… so fast I will make your head spin.  He then said he would report me for child abuse.  Normally that would scare me, but nope not that day.  I handed him the phone and said go for it.  He didn’t know the number so I even looked that up for him.  I really don’t care anymore.  Honestly, I wish someone would just kill me.  I have thought about it, but can’t think of a way for it to happen where my son will still get my life insurance.


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